losing perspective

What makes a child stick both arms into a car window on the street and grab aimlessly for what's inside? Is it desperation? A learned behavior? An abuse?

Today I was in the front of a taxi, sitting in stalled traffic, and my face was grabbed. Two dirty desperate little hands reached through the slightly opened window and grabbed me. I was holding a bottle of diet coke. Did he want that? He asked for food. There was no food on my face.

The taxi driver frantically tried to roll up the window before more harm was done and in the process pinched this young boys fingers. The taxi man then laughed and said that is what he deserved. Pinched fingers. As in "no, no, don't touch the white lady". I must say this has not happened to me before. Homeless and begging children fill the streets in parts of Nairobi and approach you for food or money or anything to take. Blind mothers holding crying babies with open hands. Homeless men with no legs. It's a common scene here. However, I have not been grabbed by actual fingers for quite some time. And never on my face. I have a scratch mark down one cheek. It's small and will probably be gone tomorrow. But I felt it. With my back seat full of fresh produce and groceries. My handbag full of snacks. My diet coke half drank sitting on my lap. I felt his fingers. Did he just want food?

After the window was rolled up, the small boy began beating on it with closed fists. The traffic was stalled for miles so we were not going anywhere. And he was not giving up. I look over and into his eyes. I couldn't read them. I felt shamed. Did he? I wanted to help. But why didn't I? He came at me, he physically came at me. That's why I didn't. But do I blame him? He was just a boy. Maybe he really is hungry. Maybe he has seen more heartache than love in his life. Maybe he's never been cared for. Or maybe he's been taught to target and steal. I will never know. But tonight I feel the scratch on my cheek and wish I had done something different. Maybe the proposals and projects we're working on will make up for this one boys hungry belly and angry take on the world. A lost perspective. Or maybe he has it right. Maybe we all need to grab out towards something or someone who we know can help us when we have a need. I often feel like that at times, crying out asking God to show me, taking what I want and believe should be mine without asking for it politely or waiting patiently. Is it our human nature? Or is it a learned behavior? What would happen if I stuck out my arms and grab aimlessly? Would anyone reach for me? Yes, they would. So why wouldn't I reach for this boy who obviously needed something.

Aid workers don't want to get a complex of saving the world and the guilt that comes with realizing that's impossible. I have to tell you, it's extremely difficult at times to not when you are searching for understanding to little things like today's taxi ride. A lost perspective can go both ways.