new beginnings

Each time I go to a new place it’s a chance to make a first impression; to make new friends; try new things; essentially to be anyone I’d like to be. However, I am finding that the more opportunities I have to change, the more I like who I am. That’s not to say that I don’t want change. I actually crave it at times. And then when it happens I struggle. And then I get bored and crave some more. :-) But the more I share with new people who I am and where I come from, why I’m here, why I do the work I do, I find I’m at peace. I love the challenge of trying to find a common ground. (When I can use my words :-)) Something I can share with this new stranger in front of me, hoping to make a new friend. I worry sometimes that my friendships I leave behind as I set out on these new adventures will disappear while I am away. I am thankful to those who don’t allow that to happen. Because sometimes I find it difficult to share the differences I am surrounded in and the changes that occur during my times away from home. It’s an awesome thing to know people will always be there for you, no matter the time or distance that passes. It’s a luxury. And one I most definitely do not want to take for granted. There’s a struggle that occurs inside me each time I leave the states. It is home. It’s where my family lives. It’s where many of my friends are. Its what I know and am comfortable with. But then there’s this incredible rush when I get to a new place. It’s a challenge. A chase. A chance for so many new beginnings. But I’m finding that I’m not necessarily the one that is craving the new beginnings anymore. After interviewing refugee after refugee, it’s hard to want to experience the new for yourself. There’s a guilt that creeps up. A reality check. I hope my work here, though not dealing directly with refugees, I hope my work will still make an impact in those who have suffered from things beyond their control. I have been so blessed to have that control in my life. To make decisions that have brought me to opportunities like these where I can learn and travel and meet new people. It’s an amazing thing. And it’s a struggle to know where that fine line of enjoying the new is and taking into reality what that means in my own life, as well as those that I’m working with. I don’t want to be the starry eyed American who travels just because I can. And I don’t want to be the do-gooder who is out to make a difference and change the world with my thoughts on what I think life should be. It’s hard to know what to call reality at times. I’m hoping life and the people I’m blessed to meet will show me.

Cheers to new beginnings!